How to Talk to a Girl Online: Proven Openers | PairedLife
for sending a first message on a dating site. "Hey, girl. You're hot. Let's bang. a lot of people have their own theories on how it works, what works best, etc. Many guys sit there and message hundreds of girls and never get a response. There are some proven things that work when trying to start But there are also a lot of women who are on online dating sites because they. We analyzed over first contacts on our dating site, OkCupid. Besides, when you tell a woman she's beautiful, chances are you're not. The top three most popular ways to say “hello” were all actually bad beginnings.
You seem like the kind of girl that might be into that sort of thing. Whoa whoa whoa, you say. Isn't that too fast? Many women online don't want to stay there. Show them that you've read their profile and then say something like "This is a little bold, but. It works best if it's a group hangout.
You can combine it with a drink beforehand, making it really effective to find out more about who they are as a person. If she takes a look at your pictures and profile and thinks you look cool, you're in. Comment and Question Let's say a woman who now lives in Austin, TX says she's from Montgomery, Alabama and talks about how much she shamelessly loves country music: A sample message could be: Country music is God's gift to mankind.
Have you been to Alamo? As a bonus, if she hasn't been to that bar, then you can invite her to go out there. Talk Spain and tennis with me over whiskey in the city? I enjoyed your profile: This message is genius. It shows the girl that you read her profile, have an idea of things she'd like to talk about and where she'd like to go, and introduces you to her.
If she wants to meet up with you, she'll say yes and you'll exchange numbers.
If she doesn't, then you won't waste your time messaging her. Now you have your openers, get ready to respond to her replies! Nine Common Approaches to Avoid There are some approaches which seem to be really common that actually don't work at all.
Learn them, avoid them, and move on. The Generic "How's It Going? Hi This is a pretty common conversation approach, which is like you'd use if you were meeting a stranger in real life, so you say "Hi" or "How's your day been so far?
It doesn't show that you've taken any time to read her profile or figure out what she might be in to. It's a really easy message to pass up, and unless you're Brad Pitt, she's probably not going to respond. If you really want to use this approach, at least use an unusual greeting with proper grammar, like "Howdy" or "Oh hey there.
How are you doing today? This approach, like the above, is not so bad, though you probably won't see much success with it. Just like in real life, it's a little boring to just intro your name and then ask them how they're doing.
They hear that kind of stuff every day. It's also easy to cut-and-paste this kind of message and when it's not even that interesting to start out with, it'll be easy for a girl to ignore. Another problem with this approach is that you have to get from the awkward "hello we are both strangers" to going on a date with them.
That's probably going to take more messages than you want to send or she'll want to respond to. Random "get-to-know-you" question This could be anything from a "Would you rather. They're bad for two reasons.
One is that they sound like you Googled "good ways to start conversation with women" and went with the first one you saw. Two is that they don't actually get any closer to you meeting up in person.
Instead, you'll know that she'd rather die by razorblades than in a fire. How useful is that? Use questions and information that tells her about you and lets you get information about who she is. Make them feel interesting.
You, by proxy, will also seem more interesting. First of all, they focus on yourself and your own lack of confidence and they make her feel awkward because now she has to reassure you that it's okay.
She doesn't want to be your mom. At worst, she'll also assume she's strange for trying online dating too. Similarly, don't ask women how long they've been doing online dating. Those kinds of questions lead nowhere. Why does it matter?
No one wants to go on a date with someone who will be their judge for the entire evening. If you like her, talking about noticing her spelling error might be the perfect thing to bring up on your 20th date, or never. Messages that are obviously cut-and-pasted Take an extra minute and send her a message that shows you read her profile and are interested in her specifically. Unfortunately, it makes you into a different kind of guy, one that doesn't get a response to his message.
Sure, most people know that women tend to get a lot of messages from men and that some of them are ridiculous. That fact, however, has nothing to do with you and her, and really nothing to do with her. So why are you asking it? Complimenting a woman on her profile or giving her bonus points This is kind of a tricky one.
In some cases, you can tell a girl that you liked her profile and it will totally work for you. In others, it just makes it sound like she passed a test, and tests aren't fun. Saying something like, "You have one of the best profiles I've seen!
How to Talk to Girls on Tinder - AskMen
No woman wants to be reminded that they're just another one in a crowd. Similarly, giving a woman "bonus points" if she likes something that you do or can guess something about you based on a hint you placed in your profile makes you seem like you are always testing a lot of women and that they're just another dumb girl you're putting through their fool-proof test. None of these are good ways to start out with someone you think is attractive. Avoid messaging each other for too long.
Pick a date and a place and go for it. Engaging in Conversation After the Opener The conversation part is where many people hit a wall. They either send too many messages and the conversation dies off before they get a chance to meet in real life, or they push for a date too soon when one party isn't ready. The best advice for engaging in conversation is to stay positive, ask her specific questions about herself with information you got from her profile, and ask for a date as soon as possible within three messages.
This is why the best openers start with a combination of showing the girl you read her profile and are interested in her and introducing yourself in a way that make the girl feel comfortable. The more words you say, the more likely you're going to say something stupid. Remember, you're going to make mistakes, and that's okay. The important thing is to make sure that you learn from them.
If you have a killer opener but your profile looks like a dud, the girl's not going to message you back. If you want women to talk to you, you gotta look like someone worth talking to. I've seen too many disastrous profiles that make guys look undateable. This is something that can happen even to good guys who are "just trying to be themselves" in online dating.
Here are some tips for shaping up your profile. How to Make the Best Profile Your Pictures Your profile picture is the first thing a girl's going to see when she sees your message, so make it count! It also appears in a lot of places on most dating sites and will definitely be your first impression. If it's blurry, if you're wearing sunglasses or a hat, if the picture is too dark, it's likely going to be a pass for her.
Ideally, you'd also be doing something and looking away from the camera but a nice photo will do as well. If you think that this is the perfect time to be holding a dog or a puppy, think again. If you love dogs or have kids, she'll learn about that in your profile. OKCupid had a great blog post about how to find your best face for online dating. Some of the main takeaways: Pictures with flash age your face by seven years.
Take your photos outside either in the late afternoon or in the early morning. Blur the background of your photo so that your face is the clearest part. This is really easy to do with online photo editors like Pixlr by using the focal point adjustment. Smile and look friendly. Have a friend take your photo for you so you can avoid the dreaded selfie pic.
When they take it, think about the last thing that made you laugh and smile like you mean it. Don't be a show-off and kill the bro-shot or the gang sign pictures.
You don't look cool. Pictures of you doing something you love will help women understand more about who you are. They're better than the bathroom selfie. Don't Try to Hide Who You Are For the rest of your photos, you'll want at least one clear body shot and some pictures that give a hint as to who you are and how you spend your time.
Do you have hobbies? What do you do with your friends? Don't post too many pictures of you with alcohol or with other women. Those can give the wrong impression. If you're not proud of your body or your face, use the photos as a way to show off your personality and something that you are proud of about yourself. If women feel like they don't know what you look like or that you're hiding something, they will almost certainly not agree to go out with you.
Keep It Fresh It's also a good idea to test out a couple of profile pictures and rotate them every two weeks or so. What you think is a great photo might not actually be that attractive for the women you're trying to attract. All pictures should be within the last six months or so, maybe a year.
If you don't have any recent pictures, this is a great time to go do something fun with your friends and have them do a photo shoot with you. Your Profile Name Remember that kid in middle school with the weird name that everyone made fun of? Consider this round two. Choose a profile name that talks about your interests or how you define yourself.
Putting a little thought into this will go a long way. Avoid anything sexual, cocky, or stupid. How to Talk about Yourself: Profile Description Filling out your profile description can be daunting. If you think it's hard, you're not alone. Tons of guys don't know how to talk about themselves or do it in a way that sounds attractive.
Luckily, there are some proven ways to make yourself look good when you're trying to tell strangers who you are Be Confident Don't talk about how awkward you feel filling out a profile or say anything like "I don't really know what to say or how this online dating stuff works.
That's not how you want to come across, is it? Be Honest As tempting as it may be, you shouldn't lie about the hard facts. Don't say you don't have kids if you do. Don't say you're a lawyer when you're a paralegal. Should you end up meeting a woman in person, it will be hard for her to accept the fact you lied to her even if she might have liked you otherwise.
Dishonesty is a turn-off. That said, if you occasionally smoke but wouldn't mind giving it up, it's okay to say you don't smoke.
How to Talk to a Girl Online: Proven Openers
You know if you're being deceptive or not. You're both here to date, so eventually you need to move things offline. Once the two of you have exchanged enough banter to feel comfortable, Amour says it's time to set up a place and time to meet. If you are, then after a few days of messaging, make your move. It's only one date, after all! See where it goes.
Spelling errors send the message that you're not putting a lot of thought into the messages you're sending — especially where names are concerned. Worse, they could mean you're not very intelligent or well educated. Turn It Into an Interview. Asking questions to get to know your match a bit better shows that you're interested, but Bennett cautions to steer clear of making your conversation become too mundane. Nobody connects romantically like that! Even things like "Hey sexy," "Hi beautiful," or "Daaaaang" make warning lights go off that you're not looking to date.
When It Works Here's an example of when paying attention to the details works. In our example, our dater Colin matches with a podiatrist who loves the outdoors, and breaks the ice with a cute opener. His first message shows that he read her profile. His initial message is also authentic, and showcases his personality.
He's also taking an interest in what she's doing and what her hobbies are, but doesn't belabor the conversation for too long before asking her out. Plus, his responses are prompt, which keeps her interested and gets to the point quickly, allowing him to get to know her weekend plans and get a date set up in just a few message exchanges.
Her match, "Kevin," runs with it, making a confession about how he reacted to one of the movie's spinoffs. Plus, once they do meet up, these two already have an inside joke going between them, and can spend their first date coming up with a "formal protest" about the unfair ratings for one of their favorite childhood movies. That's the kind of first date story you tell your kids about someday, folks.
But make sure you're not taking things too far when you're complimenting how she looks, as our friend "Scott" learned the hard way in this exchange. In this exchange, "Scott" is complimenting the dress that Bianca is wearing in her profile picture, where she's standing in front of a local hangout where there's lots of wine bottles in the background. Which she's into, initially.
Unfortunately, he takes it too far in this next message: And while you don't want to become pen pals, this message sent to Daniela was too much, too soon. Your match listed her name that way because that's what she wants to be called. So fight the urge to turn "Jennifer" into "Jen," and stick to addressing her the way that she presents herself on the app. Your first message shouldn't be asking her out, either.
We want to feel comfortable enough with you to see some of your personality and know that we'd have something in common to talk about before agreeing to meet up in real life.